Monday, November 17, 2014

My most recent struggles....

Have you ever made a 5 year plan for yourself??  Have you ever looked back on that 5 year plan and realized you have accomplished none or minimal of your goals??  Have you ever just looked at your life and cried because it is nothing like you thought it would be?? 

Welcome to my world as of late...... 
I have been struggling with this lately.  I am having a hard time facing the fact that I am approaching my 32 birthday and my life is nowhere near where I expected it to be...  But maybe that is just the problem, I EXPECTED and didn't do..  (Or I failed miserably DOING....) 
An accurate description of me.... (In my own eyes)
single (never been engaged or married)
no kids (although I crave a family more than anything)
struggling financially
stuck in a lack luster job
Maybe its just the season, I am not sure really.  All I know is that I NEVER imagined my life to be like this.
I fail miserably at dating and/or relationships. I can't seem to keep anyone interested in me or loving me.  Maybe I am impossible, maybe I will be that crazy cat lady everyone talks about... I unfortunately see myself alone more and more.
I guess my most recent "dumping" triggered these feelings to surface again.  Maybe I am scared of becoming my grandmother.  Don't get me wrong she is an amazing woman, but she is also very alone and very bitter because of it.  I don't want to be that person...  I want a family, I want to have companionship. I want love in my life....
Everytime I think about it or start talking about it, I just cry....
and cry
and cry
and cry
  and cry.....

Wednesday, November 12, 2014


I am a BINGE eater!!!!!!
Insert every excuse into the world as too why I weigh what I weigh...  But really the truth is I binge eat like its the last supper, far too often...  :(
Its definitely not my favorite thing to admit, but I feel like I need to say it and address my inner demons.  I love eating, and I let that rule my life. 
I don't eat to live, I live to eat!!!!!
No one really knows the extent of my binge eating.  I am a single girl, not married, no kids.  I have no one at home to report to.  I can eat as much as I want, as often as I want.  And even when I was living with someone, I would "sneak it."  Go get dinner (fast food or something else) I would always order way more than I really needed to eat and eat what I didn't want them seeing me eat by the time I got home.  Or stop to get something before we went out to eat and make sure I drove the long way to "air" out the car so they couldn't smell it before they got in.  I am guilty of all of this!!!!! 
But that is all about to change.  I am hoping that I can make an appointment with a nutrionist and correct my problem.  I am hoping even more that I can use my HSA account to pay for said nutrionist... HAHA!!!  Because I am also CHEAP!!!!! 
I will keep you posted on my progress!!!!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Do You Want To Run A Relay Race???

Another Ragnar under my belt... That makes 7 total Ragnars in the past 5 years...  3 of them alone this year!!! 
I FINALLY received my "Saints & Sinners" medal!!!!
But let me back up a bit here...  For those that are not familiar with what "Ragnar" is, it's a 200ish mile race that you and 11 friends do together.  (Or you and 5 friends if you are one of the ULTRA CRAZYS!!!) 
200ish miles
12 friends
2 vans
36 legs
29-36 hours of continual running
All for a medal and a sticker
(Not to mention some awesome bragging rights!!!)
I did my very first Ragnar back in 2010 and instantly became addicted.  Actually Ragnar is what started my running obsession. 
Oh the memories!!!!
I have been lucky enough to be able to travel to do these races as well.  I did Las Vegas in 2011 & 2014, and So Cal in 2014 as well. :) And since I did "combinations" of races this year, I received Double Medals... 
So Cal + Las Vegas = DUECES WILD!!!!!
Wasatch Back + Las Vegas = Saints & Sinners!!!!!
Prior to this race I was really burnt out on running.  I didn't find joy in it anymore. :(  But something clicked in my brain while out on the course.  I do STILL love this!!  I love the feeling of accomplishment when you push through that feeling of being tired and overcome the doubts swarming around in your head.  I pushed myself again, I challenged myself, and I accomplished so much!!!!  I will be back at it tonight... (For a few reasons actually) Because I want to challenge myself, and I need to get some of this lactic acid out of my legs. 
( I feel like I got hit by a train today!!!)
All in all it was a great weekend spent with some amazing people.  I consider myself to be extremely lucky!!!!


Monday, November 3, 2014


I started this blog in determination of getting a handle on my life, weight and fitness.  And well, life got in the way of just that.  I made excuses, not only for blogging, but for everything.  The pounds started adding up and the inches just kept accumulating.

(Not that I am saying I am obese or anything, just heavier of "fluffier" than I want to be.) 
It's unfortunate how we let so many things deter us from what we want most.  When really it just boils down to us not being ready to give it all of us. 

So.... Now is my time. 

I had to go and preform my yearly biometric screening for my insurance company this morning.  And I have been nervous about it since I made the appointment.  I know as far as any severe health setbacks, that I have none.  But I am carrying about 35lbs too many on me right now.  (And no, this isn't me just being a "too hard on myself" typical girl.) 

But enough of that...  Lets start where we last left off.  I did NOT finish INSANITY... 

( I know, SHOCKER!!!!)
But I was able to run two more 1/2 marathons and a FULL marathon.... :) That FULL marathon was a HUGE accomplishment for me. I may not have finished in the time that I wanted, but I finished!!!! 

But here is the sad part.  I have found myself no longer loving to run.  I pushed myself too hard and turned my once therapeutic release into a chore.  So, I am taking control. Seizing the moment if you will.  I am not allowing myself to sign up for any longer races in 2015.  I am only doing fun runs, and because I want to.  I will be rediscovering my love to run again.  Running because I want to, NOT because I have to. 

I will also be incorporating weight training, and triathlon training back into my regimen.  But not too much at once.  (A bit of cross training here and there.) I have been lifting weights for the past two weeks solid, and I have a training partner that is helping to keep me accountable.  All things that are going to help keep me motivated.

We are sticking to a pretty set schedule of what gets trained on which day and our rest days.  Although I am keeping one of my rest days as an active rest day. An hour of Yoga every Tuesday is just what the Dr. ordered.  And although I haven't seen any change in my body yet, I have seen all of my weights on my lifts increasing.  Which can only mean I am getting stronger every day. 

As far as my fitness goals, I feel they are very attainable.  I don't want to be some twig girl with no hips, butt or boobs.  I want to be fit!!!  I am 5'10".  I want to weigh between 150-155lbs.  I want to have muscle and a bubble butt.  (You know, one of those booty's you only get from squatting. A Kimmy K booty)

I will be posting (aka checking in)at least weekly with my thoughts, feelings, gains, setbacks, excitement and insecurities...  Join me on my journey!!!!  :)

Starting weight = 185lbs
Monday = Shoulders & Back
Tuesdays = Active Rest (Yoga)
Wednesdays = Legs & Glutes
Thursdays = Chest
Fridays = Rest
Saturdays = Biceps & Triceps
Sundays = Legs & Glutes

All non rest days have at least 35 minutes of cardio.  Whether that be running, the arc trainer, swimming, stair machine or the bike... 35 minutes HAS TO HAPPEN!!!!!