Monday, November 17, 2014

My most recent struggles....

Have you ever made a 5 year plan for yourself??  Have you ever looked back on that 5 year plan and realized you have accomplished none or minimal of your goals??  Have you ever just looked at your life and cried because it is nothing like you thought it would be?? 

Welcome to my world as of late...... 
I have been struggling with this lately.  I am having a hard time facing the fact that I am approaching my 32 birthday and my life is nowhere near where I expected it to be...  But maybe that is just the problem, I EXPECTED and didn't do..  (Or I failed miserably DOING....) 
An accurate description of me.... (In my own eyes)
single (never been engaged or married)
no kids (although I crave a family more than anything)
struggling financially
stuck in a lack luster job
Maybe its just the season, I am not sure really.  All I know is that I NEVER imagined my life to be like this.
I fail miserably at dating and/or relationships. I can't seem to keep anyone interested in me or loving me.  Maybe I am impossible, maybe I will be that crazy cat lady everyone talks about... I unfortunately see myself alone more and more.
I guess my most recent "dumping" triggered these feelings to surface again.  Maybe I am scared of becoming my grandmother.  Don't get me wrong she is an amazing woman, but she is also very alone and very bitter because of it.  I don't want to be that person...  I want a family, I want to have companionship. I want love in my life....
Everytime I think about it or start talking about it, I just cry....
and cry
and cry
and cry
  and cry.....

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